Cecil the Lion

Usually this blog is dedicated to cute cats and comedy. Today we celebrate the life of a beloved big cat who was gunned down by reknown member of the small member club:

Dr. Walter Palmer

A man in hiding since the backlash of his cowardly act has him fearing for his life. I could spin articles from around the web, but you can find out the info on your own. Point is, the anger has escalated to the point that he can no longer show his face.

President Obama already has a petition on his desk that if signed, would send the dentist/trophy-game-hunter from hell extradited to Zimbabwe to face charges.

LoL Cat Research - Cecil the Lion 2002-2015

Friday the 13th Cat

Friday the 13th catIf you listen really closely to the Stevie Wonder hit “Superstition”, you will hear how he outlines the ridiculousness of superstitious behaviour. LoL Cat Research is here to tell you that black cats are mistreated on Friday the 13th way more than any other day.

The masterful #meme you see posted above pays homage to the Friday the 13th Cat… Owners of black cats should be extra careful and keep their cats under close watch today!

cats vs dogs and toxoplasmosis

Many assume that dogs can beat cats because they’re bigger. The opposite is true! Cats almost always win, often outsized, or even outnumbered, cats are still able to dominate. I put together a compilation of videos (all creative commons licensed so I don’t get sued by some insane dog owner) and I can’t even tell you how hard it was to find an instance where a dog beat a cat. See for yourself \(=^‥^)/’`

Lots of experts attempt to explain why cats are more popular than dogs online. Many will say in the Cats versus Dogs eternally epic battle, things like,

“… dog people are outside with their pets while cat people are indoors and therefore more likely to post about their cats while sitting in front of the computer…”

LoL Cat Research insight on cats vs dogs

My personal belief for the longest time was that google programmed their search algorithms to display results for cats when people were searching for porn — especially when parent filters were on. It makes sense when you think about it: Picture a random dirty old man finally learns how to use the internet and when nobody is around — he searches for “pussy”… Google gives him pussy cats — LoL!!! This was one of the reasons why I originally wanted to become a cat blogger: Cats get a shitload of traffic and traffic is what you need to make money. Still, everything mentioned this far is purely hypothetical. Let’s breakdown the real reason cats are more popular online:

Cat people outnumber dog people.

We all know there are just two sorts of individuals on the planet: cat people and dog people. Information from statistical surveying firm Euromonitor, recommend that these distinctions stretch out past individual inclination and to the domain of geopolitics: it so happens there are cat countries and dog countries, as well.

In the U.S.A., a greater number of families own puppies than own felines. Cool cats dwarf yippee-dippy-canines to the tune of about 4 million (so says the American Veterinary Medical Association’s evaluation). Why? One straightforward clarification is that felines are more minimal:

You can fit a greater number of kittens in a house than you can, say, pit bulls.

cats versus dogs lol cat research style
looks like the cats winning the battle against dogs… AGAIN!!!

At the state level in the U.S.A., felines dwarf pooches in the Northeast and Upper Midwest. Mutts are the most loved in the South and Southwest. The most canine cordial state is Arkansas, where doggies dwarf the friendly felines 1.35-to-1. But who cares about Arkansas? If you ever saw the documentary, Bangin in Little Rock, you would know that those dogs are cray-cray. Bill Clinton was from there, but you don’t see him there now, you see him here in New York City.

On the other end of the spectrum stands Massachusetts with 1.87 felines for each canine. I guess Bean Town is feline town! When it comes to analyzing this kind of demographical data “A ton of that basically needs to do with populace thickness,” Jared koerten, a pet industry examiner at Euromonitor, said in a meeting. “Many cities simply aren’t that dog-accommodating.”

Worldwide, felines are the favored pet in the vast majority of Western Europe, except for Spain, Portugal and Ireland. South America is entirely puppy nation, as is much of Asia.

“A few districts, in the same way as the Middle East and piece of Africa, have an particularly long-standing energy about felines,” Koerten said. “in Latin America its the complete inverse. Pooches are a piece of family life there.”

i can has toxoplasmosis meme pic. T. Gondii seems to play no part in the cats versus dogs epic struggle.
found this when searching for toxoplasmosis

March is Toxoplasmosis Awareness Month and Brazil is believed to have perhaps the highest infection rate in humans — a whopping 66% are believed to be infected. Toxoplasma Gondii is a parasite that gets into a mouses system when it feeds on cat turds.

The bacteria makes it way into the mouses brain, causing the mouse to become sexually aroused by the smell of cat urine.

It also dulls the mouse’s reflexes and causes it to become more reckless and make poor decisions — like the decision to find cats attractive!

This would all be great if T. Gondii only infected rodents. Unfortunately, any warmblooded mammal can become infected — including humans. The brain worms cause people to have an increased sex-drive while behaving erratically. One theory is that it can cause a person to take more chances while driving a car, which leads to more accidents, and subsequently more deaths. 

Listen, this is supposed to be a funny blog — not a biology-based freakshow. For this reason, I went back to the past paragraph and inserted a gullible test. Did you catch it? OK, here it is:

March is NOT toxoplasmosis awareness month — I made that up!

The brain worm part is real and you can research that on your own. It’s disturbing, yet true that parasites can actually alter one’s thoughts and cause them to hallucinate or even commit suicide. Biologists joke that biology should be re-named, “parasitology,” since parasites outnumber free-living organisms by about four to one.

I just realized that humans could be seen as parasites in the eyes of other animals. Look at what we do with livestock. An animal is enslaved to work for us on the farm until the point that the point that they are slaughtered. How sad 🙁 that only until recently, we find out that other organisms do it to us!

It’s funny that toxoplasmosis would play very little roll in the cats versus dogs epic drama. It’s also surprising that Brazil isn’t more of cat country. Maybe the data is skewed or innacuate. Here’s an interesting video on Brazil and Toxoplasma Gandii:

Here’s even more info on toxoplasmosis.
Cat vs Dog info came mostly from spinning this article in the Washington Post.

Tara the Hero Cat saves boy from dog attack

The attack was sudden. It was horrific. The aftermath is not much easier in a tragedy that required stitches on a four year old boy who was innocently playing in front of his house in Bakersfield, California just before being mauled by a neighbor’s dog.

tara the hero cat
Tara the Hero Cat with Jeremy Triantafilo

Much respect for the boy’s pet cat “Tara”, a true hero.

Bravery like this represents just how important it is to recognize how valuable cats are to human beings. If you’ve been living under a rock in 2014 or you’ve been boycotting the media, you may not have seen what happened so watch the video below if this is you:


That mean dog is just no good and it wouldn’t be a surprise if that fool got put down. Word is bond. But you know, there’s plenty of other stories out there of ferocious dogs beings stopped by concerned cats.

You hear “Cat saves boy from dog attack” and you may wonder… how big was the dog? Well in this case the dog was not exactly a rottweiler or anything, but that doesn’t matter. Tara would stop any dog up to no good. What about pit bulls attacking… What would happen then?

The story of two pit bulls chewing away at a helpless woman in Houston is astounding. This cat needs a medal of honor and a street named after her:

So what have we learned? Cats are not afraid of dogs and during a time of crisis, cats will often stop at nothing to put bad dog in his place. Since this article was published, the owner’s consented to having the dog euthanized. Check the LA Times story.

kanye cat doesn’t like your joke

kanye cat likes fishsticks

Kanye Cat

There is a famous episode of the hit show “South Park” where the best joke of all time is written. A male must be asked:

joke teller: “you like fishsticks?”

victim: “yes”

joke teller: “you like fishsticks in your mouth?”

victime: “uh, sure…”

joke teller: “you’re a gay fish!”

This could not possibly be the best joke ever made, but I think the guys at South Park are making a mockery of the fact that if you google “greatest joke of all time”, you’ll get similar mediocre, or lame, immature jokes of this caliber.

People like this fish sticks joke and it starts going viral to the point that the South Park kids are on late night TV and what have you. Problem is, Kanye West does not get the joke and he starts making people pay via the use of physical violence and even murder.

Kanye does not find it fair that he doesn’t get the joke being that he is one of the greatest thinkers of his generation. His unchecked arrogance is brilliantly ridiculed by the writers and producers of one of the longest running cartoons in the history of mankind.

As a comedy cat blogger, I am hoping people will look at that image, laugh, pass it on, and click on this here website. This site just wants to be loved, is that so wrong? Maybe Kanye will sue me. That would probably be much funnier than the fish stick joke being that i have no attachable assets for his lawyers to take off me.

If I had gotten a bank loan six years ago, I could’ve been famous for being a NINJA.
No
Income
No
Job, or
Assets

So sue me. I’ll laugh (but not all the way to the bank). Maybe they should sue Wikipedia for breaking it down even more in this article. They talk about how after Kanye got drunk and interrupted Taylor Swift’s VMA moment.

Enough already — The Kanye Cat picture is hitting cyberspace… MEOW IS NOW!!!

cats beating children while parents film has people of the interweb demanding justice.

kitties vs kiddies

lol cat and infantA recent Huffington Post article shows tons of videos of lol cats attacking defenseless, innocent toddlers. Parents seeking fame and recognition in most cases refuse to intervene, allowing their children to be assaulted.

The curtain of laughter is most often the method used for these neglectful parents to live with their own behavior. The fact that they film the incidents only adds insult to injury. It’s one thing if they were too slow to respond. in such cases, one could almost forgive these parents and guardians in question for such “accidents”, and then to just stand there with the cameras still pointing–is unacceptable. We must demand justice.

Disclaimer: Lol Cat Research and the Hip Tot Music Fest are closely affiliated. You must know that demanding justice for infants and cats goes above all else.

Disclaimer #2: neither this blog or the Hip Tot has any affiliation or sponsorship deal of any sort with the Huffington Post, they just think that their animal videos are awesome.

lol cats attacking kids is wrong we say

Although top-notch journalism has brought LCR to the forefront of groundbreaking cultural pet entertainment, you should not take any of these words at face value. You should watch the freak video yourself and when a commercial comes on, you should turn down the volume, wait till it passes, and then turn the volume up to see the next video involving cats bullying dogs, cats knocking sh*t over, and more!

Peep it yo:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/28/cats-fight-kids-video_n_4681253.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

BTW, if you live in Brooklyn, be sure and check out the next Hip Tot Music Fest every second sunday at the Shapeshifter Lab.

audra rox band
Feb 9th 2014 at the Shapeshifter Lab check out hiptot.com for more info.