So ur dissapointed NYC missed #Snowmageddon2015 ??? We say it doesn’t matter since you should get out there and enjoy the SNOW
or a Siamese Tabby might pounce you BRO!
1.5 years of cat blogging not paying… what to do?
Happy Anniversary to me! I wasted tons of time trying to entertain you while learning a new skill and now it is clear that you are not entertained and you most likely did not learn anything either. That’s probably because most of you don’t know I exist. This is my fault because I can’t obtain any traffic to this site no matter what I do. For this reason I am going to seek employment driving a Swift Truck. If you’re not too swift as a cat blogger, you might as well be a Swift Truck driver. Nafsht.
Trucking pays great money. If you ever want employment and find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile, you will do better than most. It can work for you… trust me. My uncle Noel is a retired truck driver and he has all kinds of cash. Problem with this cat right here is that he don’t have a motherf*cking driver’s license, so there’s no choice but to get busy cat blogging.
Stop look & listen:
I don’t need a Swift Trucking job nor do I need to cat blog any longer. Here’s the alternative: I can find a magical white rabbit that I can sell for big bucks. Wait, your skeptical? Don’t think there’s a market for such a thing? Well you are wrong, grasshopper. Theres all types of retired hippy gangsters out there searching for that elusive white rabbit; and if you have the most unique, hardest to find, freak rabbit… you can be a champion! Victory is waiting — so how do you catch a unique rabbit? See the image below:
So what else is going on in cat blog world besides me not getting paid? I couldn’t tell you. That’s because I don’t have the time or money to find out. I’ve had a donation button up on my site since it’s inception and nobody contributed. I use emoticons on my 20+ tweets and tried to get a sponsorship from the site I get them from.
They just ignored me.
I could tell you which emoticon site it is, but why give them free press? They need to pay to get mentioned here. BTW, if anyone tries to steal my material, I”m going to sue them. So hit that donation button on the top right and pay me. Then come back in a week for more jokes that are free. After you get your free laugh, pay me. Aside from money, I want you to share what’s here with everyone you know so that I can be even more successful. Last thing anyone wants to do is post research results around the web for free and to add insult to injury, get zero likes on top it. So do the right thing and pay me while sharing this about. Peace.
Our longtime pal DJ Sky Breaks who resides in Brooklyn has a
rescue kitten in need of a home!
Look what mama feral brought to me! This here “Ginger Boy” is about four weeks old and will be ready for adoption in 3-4 weeks (Sky Breaks and company is currently bottle feeding him). He is super sweet and healthy and needs a home. Please take him since we all have enough cats or if you know anyone looking for a great family pet — orange tabbies are the best!!!!!
For the longest time, LoL Cat Research been pushing the idea of saving cats from senseless euthanasia. What better way to do that than through adoption? Don’t delay… call today! 347_813_1396 or email me at: email@example.com
You can adopt this cat even if you don’t like cats. That’s right… listen here: Let’s say you’re a dog that hates cats since you’re allergic or they look demonic, or whatever your dumb-ass issue is. You’d put your minor issues aside when it comes to making money, true?
YES YOU WOULD. Just like you show up to the office every day and deal with that micromanaging megalomaniac boss of yours in the name of earning a living, you can work with a cat who can bring in $tupid cash son.
The following is an example of a cute, famous orange tabby out there:
As you can see, this kitty is cute, but he/she lacks the blue eyes that our magical Ginger Boy boasts. So how do you make money you ask? You get headshots and get a casting agent. First you do movies and then you do commercials in whichever particular order you think will work.
Just imagine how great you’ll feel when you cash your first check and go out to celebrate. You’ll be sipping your favorite beverage at the bar when a potential life partner/soul mate will ask “so, you come here often?”
Best way to respond is by saying, “yeah, I’m from around these here parts. I’m going nowhere fast yet I’m here to represent.” The attractive and intelligent potential mate will laugh but soon the conversation will probably turn serious. That’s when you will really be sized-up. You can never repair a first impression so you damn sure better have a good answer for this:
“What do you do for a living?”
Now, if you stuh, stuh, studder motherfucker it’s all over. You got to be SUPER SMOOTH and in full-grip of the GROOVE. Take a deep breath and deliver the following:
“I make cats famous on the internet.”
Homegirl will be like, “what, like you’re a talent agent or a manager, or something??” Then you drop names immediately:
“I own ‘Ginger Boy’ the Cat.”
It’ll be easy from there on. Name all the TV shows, radio interviews, magazine articles, and cat blogs you’ve been on and your good to go. You now have a built-in reason to take this individual home with you and you can thank me for laying out the framework for your dumb ass. OK all kidding aside… Remember: we have a rescue kitten in need of a home. Adopt Ginger Boy today.
News Flash: as a direct result of our efforts here at LoL Cat Research, “Ginger Boy” has been adopted. The new owners changed his name to Lionel Richie.
Thanks for reading all of this,
PS: If you want to talk more about this, me and my business partner have a live family entertainment show tomorrow that’s totally free. See www.HipTot.com for more info.
Dr Who Cat
this freaken awesome!!! #lolcat #drwho #represent #meowisnow
There is a famous episode of the hit show “South Park” where the best joke of all time is written. A male must be asked:
joke teller: “you like fishsticks?”
joke teller: “you like fishsticks in your mouth?”
victime: “uh, sure…”
joke teller: “you’re a gay fish!”
This could not possibly be the best joke ever made, but I think the guys at South Park are making a mockery of the fact that if you google “greatest joke of all time”, you’ll get similar mediocre, or lame, immature jokes of this caliber.
People like this fish sticks joke and it starts going viral to the point that the South Park kids are on late night TV and what have you. Problem is, Kanye West does not get the joke and he starts making people pay via the use of physical violence and even murder.
Kanye does not find it fair that he doesn’t get the joke being that he is one of the greatest thinkers of his generation. His unchecked arrogance is brilliantly ridiculed by the writers and producers of one of the longest running cartoons in the history of mankind.
As a comedy cat blogger, I am hoping people will look at that image, laugh, pass it on, and click on this here website. This site just wants to be loved, is that so wrong? Maybe Kanye will sue me. That would probably be much funnier than the fish stick joke being that i have no attachable assets for his lawyers to take off me.
If I had gotten a bank loan six years ago, I could’ve been famous for being a NINJA.
So sue me. I’ll laugh (but not all the way to the bank). Maybe they should sue Wikipedia for breaking it down even more in this article. They talk about how after Kanye got drunk and interrupted Taylor Swift’s VMA moment.
Enough already — The Kanye Cat picture is hitting cyberspace… MEOW IS NOW!!!
Had to post this lol cat picture
Cat searching could be the reason why you are reading this… well, I’m not sure what you do on this here interweb, but I try to get work done only to get distracted by all types of things to click on. It’s so easy for it to happen and it’s hard to understand if how it can happen so often.
So I’m on google images looking for a cool image to ad to my fresh content (search engine slave drivers told me “fresh content” is a must), when I came across a picture of this
cool cat spinning audio.
I had to stop whatever real work I had to do and decided to post this for you instead:
Sorry there’s not much to this posting… I promise the next round of fresh content will be fresher and more content-full — that’s a promise! haha (⌒.－)＝★
Oh no wait. Can’t see you later. Still need to talk to you because the angel of content monitoring said I need to write more. I do as I’m told. Breaking rules is scary since there are so many forms of punishment they can hand you. We don’t want any of that. Ok enough writing. I don’t care how they punish me. Time to go back to work. Please like us on facebook and follow us on twitter.