(^._.^)ノ what to do when you reach 3k tweets

I’ve blogged about twitter a number of times, discussing tactics and strategies that I’ve used or thought about using… Right here we’re going to go through a method I use when I maximize engagements — which ultimately lead to making money online. The better you build your network, the more money you will make. What we’re talking about here is not difficult, but like the great Warren Buffet said, “It is not necessary to do extraordinary things to get extraordinary results.”

twitter account screen shot May 18th 2015
saw that I made 2,999 tweets… time to take action!

I saw that my twitter account had 2,999 tweets. Why not celebrate the milestone of 3k tweets?! Twitter now offers analytics that are readily available. I used to use topsy.com — actually I still do, but when I’m just checking basic stats, twitter has it laid out right there for you. By the month, I can see my most influential follower, tweet with the most engagements, and much more.

I noticed many times the tweet that thanks followers garners the most from the twitter Gods. Tweet this:

TomHanks 4D #follow [mention as many followers as you can]
Make sure and include a picture of Tom Hanks.

Tom Hanks looks like “Thanks” or you can say T.Hanks

Tom Hanks 4d follow screen shot for cat blog LoL Cat Research

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This kind of tweet is also great when you are starting out. It get’s favorites and RTs like crazy.

So I see that I’m going to post my three thousandth tweet and I made a meme for it, mentioned all of my friends and top-followers on twitter, and unleashed this masterpiece:

LoL Cat Research 3k tweets

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I pushed another URL I purchased that may be better than my main brand, “LoL Cat Research”… Not sure if that’s the way to go, but sometimes you just have to freak shit.

I mentioned as many twitter handles as I could and then in the tagging section for the picture, I mentioned as many heads as I could there. Looks like this:

mention as many accounts as you can when you tag people Stoned Soul | Hip Tot | John McGill Banned | Lordz

 

 

Christopher Walken is fricken AWESOME!

If you are a fan of this here blog, you know that I’m all about masterful memes. And what better way to highlight this fact than to use the very best!? Christopher Walken is freaken AWESOME. This will probably be the cover of my first how-to book:

ultimate christopher walken meme pic

The sketch is often considered the best Saturday Night Live piece ever made, or at least ranks in the top 10. “More Cowbell” is hilarity at it’s best. It was written by playwright Donnell Campbell and Will Ferrell, who rocked-out as the fictitious “Gene Frenkle” cowbell player.

Jimmy Fallon is in it as well along with a plethora of famous comedians and actors. Although it debuted some 15 years ago, Walken can barely go anywhere in public without a stranger asking him for “more cowbell.” The Blue Öyster Cult, writers and performers of the song in the sketch, for a long time had trouble verifying who played the actual cowbell on the track.

I remember looking up info on the sketch and Wikipedia was saying that no less than three (3) people were arguing over who played cowbell on the Blue Öyster Cult smash, “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”… Today, throwback Thursday (April 23rd, 2015), I looked it up again on wikipedia and found this:

Eric Bloom played it on a rerecording of the song some years later, but the original idea came from David Lucas, who went around the corner to his Warehouse Recording Studio on W. 46th St, got his cowbell, and went back to the Record Plant and played the part.

They also added that SNL sent an intern to buy a CD so they could get the producer’s name. Poor kid got the wrong album:

Christopher Walken portrays producer Bruce Dickinson (not to be confused with the Iron Maiden vocalist of the same name). Bruce was not the actual producer of “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper.” The song was produced by David Lucas,[3] who discovered the band and produced their first album, and also Agents of Fortune and Spectres. Sandy Pearlman[4] was their long time manager and lyric writer. Murray Krugman[4] represented Columbia Records. Bruce Dickinson was a midlevel manager at Columbia Records whose name appears on a Blue Öyster Cult reissue CD and a greatest hits compilation as the “reissue producer.” The SNL intern who was sent out to get the record got the Best Hits CD instead of the Agents of Fortune original CD.

“In Memory of Gene Frenkle 1950-2000” appears at the end of the video with a picture of Will Ferrell. Blue Oyster Cult claims that fans continue to contact them expressing their condolences even though the character never existed.

Below is an example of someone remixing the video. I’d say it was ALMOST good. The DJ/producer forgot just one detail but it’s the biggest detail… What we’re saying is what THE Bruce Dickinson is saying: the track NEEDS MORE COWBELL!!!

mad men meme pic

Learn how to make a meme into a demotivational to drive max traffic to your blog, BEOTCH.

So it’s been awhile since I’ve posted and traffic suffered of course. Time to figure out what to post about and since we’re all about #cute #cats and #comedy here, it would be easy to go into that again. Throwing cats into the comedy always seems to work, but this time we’re just going to roll with comedy.

~(=^‥^)ノ☆ Sorry crazy cat ladies, you’ll have to check back next week for that #pawsome content you’ve come to expect.

mad men boss drinking whiskey picI went to google trends and saw that the hit TV series “Mad Men” was trending like crazy. I compared it to another hot show “Empire” and the comparison was not contest: Mad Men wins by too much. There were other trends as well, but I figured Mad Men was the easiest to make fun of.

Step 1 Find an image: A google image search for “Mad Men” in quotes brought me a picture that was easy to caption. Step 2, was to go to cheezburger.com to use their advanced meme builder.

Since finding something clever was difficult, Step 3 was to google search “whiskey jokes” — the Mad Men picture features a misogynistic boss sitting at his desk drinking a bourbon neat — which just so happens to be my favorite drink! Only thing is, I never enjoy it at work because makes me mean and nasty,slurs my speech, and can even turn me into a dancing fool — all at the same time!! I found a joke about drinking at work that was perfect.

lol cat research - mad men meme picStep 4: Uploaded the picture to cheezburger’s advanced meme builder and typed the joke into the speech bubble. I watermarked with @LoLCatResearch on the bottom right and made it semi-transparent. The result is #awesome … true?

Mad Men Meme = MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

Let’s party! But wait — we’re not finished and I’ll tell you why: After we rock a masterful mad men meme pic we must turn it into a demotivational poster. This way we get two jokes in one. It’s an effective content strategy because I can use a meme pic for awhile, and then transform it into a demotivational poster and push that around some more. Remixing content is all the rave in google SEO land these days. True that.

Eventually we can make a song and put it in a youtube video with this and other memes. Let’s write lyrics right now about the meme building process. Keyword research is telling me Hip Hop is hot again. Probably because the trailer just came out for the Straight Outta Compton. The movie will no-doubt be a guaranteed blockbuster nostalgia film showing the history of the rise and fall of the top Gangsta Rap group of all time: Niggers With Attitude (N.W.A.)

N.W.A. straight outta compton movie posterI’m a huge N.W.A fan and the solo careers that followed from the founding members, most notably Easy E, Ice Cube, and Dr. Dre. In recent news, former Death Row Records C.E.O. Suge Knight is on trial as a suspect for murder since he ran someone over with his SUV near the film set of the movie while it was being taped. All of this will probably lead to new content for the future. Believe that!

My only claims to fame is through several of my Hip Hop gigs and my being one of the top cat bloggers in the world who also produces and promotes live family entertainment events at HipTot.com. Because of this, we’re going to make a Gangsta Rap track right now. Let’s freestyle verse lyrics for almost a minute, then we’ll have two lines that will signify the chorus is coming. Check it:

  • If you want to learn, son; you must watch ┌(・。・)┘♪
  • Do what I say, non-stop till you drop ┌(・。・)┘♪
    CHORUS
  • This is how we rock
  • This is how we rock (pause)
  • This is how we rock BITCH
  • This is how we rock
    (〜 ̄△ ̄)〜 \(^▽^@)ノ (ノ ̄ー ̄)ノ

Ok enough rhymes everybody… time to go back to work. Or should I say, back to work making whiskey at work pics!!! Anyway, I switched to cheezburger’s demotivational poster builder but was disappointed by the shortcoming of them cutting off the bottom of the picture and thus making my @LoLCatResearch watermark severely compromised. I went into my gmail and found my way to the g-drive where I used google docs option to create a drawing. You could use “google slides” (PowerPoint rip-off) the same way.

There, it was easy to make a demotivational poster since I worked for eight years at JPMorgan Chase as a PowerPoint operator and I have incredible desktop publishing skills. I’m not going to tell you how I did it, but I’ll tell you this: you can do a search for free demotivational template downloads, where you can make what you want in any number of software platforms. I’m looking for hi fives ლ(=ↀωↀ=)ლ after you peep the final product:

lol cat meme demotivational poster about mad men tv series

 

Driving traffic with meme pics

Yesterday brought me a nice spike in traffic to my website based on the fact that my meme pics matched popular searches and my pics were watermarked with my URL. Katy Perry, the megastar who performed at the last Super Bowl halftime show, had decided that if you can’t beat em’ you should join em’… What I mean is that the pop idol had been acting a bit odd since a dancer in her crew wearing a shark suit got way more attention than she did. So why does this matter? Here’s why:

#LeftShark = vehicle for you driving traffic with meme pics

left shark is the real MVP
google “left shark memes” and LoLCatResearch.com ranks the #15 and #17 image results.

I made a meme pic and a demotivational poster (see right) and it brought me quite a bit of traffic just after the Super Bowl ended. #Pawsome !!!

I’ll take traffic however I can get it. Memes take a long time at first, but I can bust them out in less than 10 minutes and bang! Instant original content is created (Cheezburger.com has the best creator for memes. It’s super, super easy to use). Make sure you name the image and watermark it with your website. If you don’t, it’s all pointless. Of course don’t watermark pictures that you didn’t create or don’t have the rights to. You can also watermark with something other than your website. Any call to action you are trying to exploit will work — and work well!

Driving traffic with meme pics is one the top digital marketing strategies available.

First step is easy:

1. Find a trending search and make light of it. Think of a joke to write on a funny picture. Hurry though. Time is everything when it comes to driving traffic with meme pics.

2. Write blog post. Include your meme pic in your blog post the way I am here. Post links to your blog all around social media and message boards, and that’s all there is to it.

Driving traffic with meme pics
#1 result when google “left shark meme” 

3. Promote it. This step is the most time-consuming but at least it’s all free. Here we go: Send a link to your website to all your email subscribers. Online news giants who publish their story (which is almost always “spun”), always have message boards where you can leave comments. You MUST definitely take advantage of. It means you will have to register with them. I know it’s annoying and time consuming, but you should by all means do so. reddit, imgur and similar sites are ideal places to post.

Let’s talk about the last two parts of my Left Shark traffic saga that has made life so fricken #pawsome I can’t even tell you. Katy Perry had been getting a bit rattled over the fact that a dancer in a shark suit stole the show from her. Someone started selling 3D print-on-demand Left Shark statues. Lawyers issued him a cease and desist letter and it made big news. Argument was briefly over who owns the intellectual property rights to the shark — the designer of the suit, or Katy Perry? The statues were pulled off the virtual shelves but not at a cost. Katy Perry began losing face in many people’s opinions because it appeared like she was jealous and cheap. The Scumbag Steve hat made it on to her in a couple of memes and so her lawyers pulled back a bit on the Left Shark enforcement circuit.lol cat research breaks down the katy perry with scumbag steve hat meme

Fast forward to early March 2013, Katy Perry announces that she has a Left Shark suit for sale and it retails for an eye-popping $129.00 ( =①ω①=)

Guess what? Even more traffic is coming my way! WONDERFUL!!… If you were here, I’d want to give you a High FIVE — LoL Cat Research style — no JIVE. It would look something like this:
~(=^‥^)ノヽ(^‥^=ゞ)

OK let’s get serious. I checked my site’s traffic and this is what I see:

March 4th screen shot of jet pack traffic for LoL Cat ResearchSee that blast at the end? That comes almost entirely from me posting on CNBC’s message board. Here is the exact post:

LoL Cat Research screen shot of comment left on CNBC message board of Left Shark suit for sale article
Screen shot of comment left on CNBC message board of Left Shark suit-for-$ale article

If you look at the way I phrased my post, I made sure to be engaging while self-promoting in a way that doesn’t over do it. Last think you want is to get kicked-off a site for being a spammer. That’s why I try to make my posts rhyme, contain a joke, or just be completely ridiculous. Also make sure you’re not racist or sexist, homophobic or some type of extremist. In other words, don’t be a dick. If you are the strategy will fail. Think of this like a virtual office. You wouldn’t go into work, flirt with the secretary, curse-out your boss, and slap a bumper sticker with your logo on the side of the water cooler, would you?

lol cat research likes shark tank with left shark
wish I thought of this one.

All I can tell you is this: you can find your self getting reciprocal traffic in very little time. Also, if searches for what you made your meme pic about continues, waves of traffic back to you will follow.  I hope my Left Shark story provides enough truth in value of driving traffic with meme pics. But you know what?

That traffic was yesterday.

Yes. We got to keep our eyes on driving traffic today. So what I did just before writing this, was the formula for driving traffic with meme pics: I used GoogleTrends to find a top search that was relative to my cute cats and comedy genre. It wasn’t long before I found crazy cat Kanye West was getting tons of searches. The traffice spike eminated from the release of his new song All Day.

I’ve gotten traffic from Kanye’s stunts and craziness several times in the past. I felt I should no more about the current news, so I listened to the track and thought it wasn’t bad. The beat is really great in an evil, hip hop kind of way. On the other hand, what he talks about in the song mostly belongs to the absurdly ridiculous category. Maybe I’m wrong, but really… I am not!

So anyway, I was having trouble coming up with anything to say, so I decided to go after traffic using a formulaic meme combo technique. Behold the masterpiece that will bring traffic to my blog for years to come:

LoL Cat Research - kanye west with jackie chan and teacher memeMore and examples and monetization techniques plus much more are included in my free eBook Making Money with Meme Marketing. Only $1.00 or FREE when you subscribe to the LoL Cat Research weekly newsletter. Send an email with the subject line “Making Money with Meme Marketing” to LoLCatResearch@gmail.com RIGHT NOW!!!

#brady, giselle, and Richard Sherman #meme

So I’m reduced to shamelessly trying to get traffic off of whatever’s clever. Right now it’s the modification of the kids’ game “Kill the Carrier” AKA American Football.

LOVE IT!!!

My favorite player in the NFL right now is the top cornerback who swatted away a pass to ensure the Seattle Seahawks would make it to the big game for the second consecutive year. His wife is due on the same day and I’m hoping he plays football instead of going to the hospital. Call it Superbowl Son Day… Get it? Nafsht.

LoL Cat Research - Tom Brady and Giselle and Richard Sherman NFL Superbowl memeNow let’s talk about what this picture refers to. Tom Brady complained after a loss that his footballs were slightly deflated and the media pounced on the opportunity to make ball jokes. LoL Cat Research is going the same thing right here! Giselle is one of the top models in the world and also one of the highest paid celebrities. She complained about her husband’s teammates after the NY Giants defeated the #brady & the New England Patriots in Superbowl XLVI. I’m from Brooklyn and my cousin Mikey Palms had his bachelor’s party during the Superbowl so I’m really glad the Patriots lost that day and the Giants won. Anyway, Because Giselle Bundchen is so incredibly famous and attractive, her complaints made instant news after the game, which is wrong. Why listen to her?

Tom Brady is one of the top quarterbacks in NFL history. That cannot be denied. He is a major trashtalker and dissed Richard Sherman — an underdog, round 5 draft pick who rose to superstardom with his high-energy defense. Sherman tipped-away a Brady pass that turned out to be the decisive play. Sherman confronted Brady saying “You Mad Bro?”

It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but the media made a thing out of it and so did Sherman. He sells tee shirts saying “You Mad Bro?” on his website: richardsherman25.com

Sherman explains in this video what transpired:

DisclaimErr: I’m obviously a Seattle fan. I lived there during the late 1990s and have fond memories of the place. I really miss living there… The place is magical. Many stars have called the place home: Jimi Hendrix, Bill Gates, and now Richard Sherman. It’s the final resting place for Kurt Cobain and Bruce Lee. IT’S THE PLACE TO BE!!!

Sadness: cat blogging not paying jack (╯︵╰,)

1.5 years of cat blogging not paying… what to do?

Happy Anniversary to me! I wasted tons of time trying to entertain you while learning a new skill and now it is clear that you are not entertained and you most likely did not learn anything either. That’s probably because most of you don’t know I exist. This is my fault because I can’t obtain any traffic to this site no matter what I do. For this reason I am going to seek employment driving a Swift Truck. If you’re not too swift as a cat blogger, you might as well be a Swift Truck driver. Nafsht.

LoL Cat Research - SWIFT joke MEME
Representing cute cats and comedy with a good old fashioned Swift Truck joke

Trucking pays great money. If you ever want employment and find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile, you will do better than most. It can work for you… trust me. My uncle Noel is a retired truck driver and he has all kinds of cash. Problem with this cat right here is that he don’t have a motherf*cking driver’s license, so there’s no choice but to get busy cat blogging.

Stop look & listen:

I don’t need a Swift Trucking job nor do I need to cat blog any longer. Here’s the alternative: I can find a magical white rabbit that I can sell for big bucks. Wait, your skeptical? Don’t think there’s a market for such a thing? Well you are wrong, grasshopper. Theres all types of retired hippy gangsters out there searching for that elusive white rabbit; and if you have the most unique, hardest to find, freak rabbit… you can be a champion! Victory is waiting — so how do you catch a unique rabbit? See the image below:

LoLCatResearch - unique rabbit meme joke
Cats in rabbit suits are not unique, but this joke with this meme pic is.

So what else is going on in cat blog world besides me not getting paid? I couldn’t tell you. That’s because I don’t have the time or money to find out. I’ve had a donation button up on my site since it’s inception and nobody contributed. I use emoticons on my 20+ tweets and tried to get a sponsorship from the site I get them from.

They just ignored me.

I could tell you which emoticon site it is, but why give them free press? They need to pay to get mentioned here. BTW, if anyone tries to steal my material, I”m going to sue them. So hit that donation button on the top right and pay me. Then come back in a week for more jokes that are free. After you get your free laugh, pay me. Aside from money, I want you to share what’s here with everyone you know so that I can be even more successful. Last thing anyone wants to do is post research results around the web for free and to add insult to injury, get zero likes on top it. So do the right thing and pay me while sharing this about. Peace.

LoL Cat Research zero likes meme joke

 

 

 

 

Meme pic + cat joke = traffic to your site!

LoL Cat Research water polo joke

Meme pics are not going away!

You see them all over the internet. It started with cats but now it’s any kind of photo that evokes some sort of emotion. Add a witty caption and bang — you have urself a meme pic. If you search earlier posts in this here LoLCatResearch.com you’ll see that I do a full report on the cheezburger network and their CEO Ben Huh. And just in case you say “huh?” I been living under a rock and don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, I’ll give you the picture that started it all:

lol cat research covers i can has cheezburger meme

Whether or not it was first or one of the first is irrelevant. Point is, that Russian Blue kitty cat blew up the internet. It changed the lives a few men who recognized the viral aspect of the phenomenon and subsequently positioned themselves to reap the financial rewards of such a phenomenon. Nothing was the same after that. So what should WE do? Jump on the bandwagon is what we should do! So here is an easy content strategy:

  1. Find a royalty free image
  2. Use PhotoShop or Illustrator to add phrases over the picture (“Impact” font is most common)
    * make sure and watermark the image with your website
  3. Post it in a blog like this one. Then promote it everywhere possible. This is the most difficult leg of the journey. It’s the most time-consuming and involves changing your daily life to accommodate the requirements and responsibilities of digital marketing. It’s beyond the scope of this article to talk about image promotion. That we will reserve for the next post, which I should drop on your heads in about a week or two so stay tuned.

You may run into the problem of not having anything interesting to write on the picture. I did a search for “best jokes 2014” and looked for the shortest jokes listed since there’s a limited amount of text you can write on one image before kids or adults with ADD stop reading. Everything I’m talking about here took me 25 min to make. That water polo cat joke you see took the most time since I wasn’t finding much that inspired me. To tell you the truth, I don’t think the joke is all that funny and I would’ve liked to have spent more time finding something funnier. Too bad! It’s important to set realistic deadlines and make sure you stick to them.

Let’s look at some issues with all of this in more depth, cause I know you may be questioning what’s going on here as perhaps being too involved. How do you search for royalty free images? What do you do if you don’t have PhotoShop or Illustrator. What happens if I get sued by a crazy cat lady who says she owns the rights to my viral masterpiece?

I give you ANSWERS!!!

You can do a google image search by going to google and clicking on “images”, which is located in the top-right portion of your screen. Once there, click on the settings tab located on the bottom right of your screen. There you can edit search parameters so you can look for images that you can reuse. Click here and everything should be clear as day.

There are plenty of meme generators out there. They may say they’re free, but is anything really free? These generators always watermark their site on the bottom-right of the pic, right where you want to put your watermark! Other problem is that you have limited control over formatting the font, placement, etc. Some phrases simply don’t fit, or cover the image in an awkward way. Still, if you want to get in the game and you can’t wait any longer, I’ll give you the best free meme generator I could find out there: www.QuickMeme.com and you can thank me by donating on that side panel to your right.

lol cat research covers this story of girl suing isntagram for 50 millionOK let’s say you do everything right and your image goes viral. Traffic is coming your way and you’re also an expert on converting that into cash money. Success is your middle name while haters and bitches are sweating you for the true champion that you are. A certified letter arrives that you sign for. It’s a court subpoena that an attorney hit you with threatening to take everything you made. Think this doesn’t happen? It does. They come after you only if you have something to take. Instagram has billions and the girl you see in the image to your right blasted Suckerberg’s #2 cash cow with a $50 million lawsuit. Says the article, “16 Year Old Kiesha Johnson, of Birmingham Alabama, was just hanging with friends that took a bad picture of her and uploaded it to Instagram. Immediately, that photo went viral and was shared on Millions of profiles including celebrities. Everyone started mocking her now famous pose. “My face looked ugly like I was about to throw up.. I look nothing like that in real life… Im really a bad b*tch!” said Johnson.”

If you want to read more stories like that one, you can click here and thank me by contributing funds to our cause. Since we are on the subject of generating web traffic, I must say that every time I read an article, I post a comment with a link back to my site. It’s something each an every blogger should be rocking — whenever possible!

This article is most certainly not the first when it comes to using memes to create traffic. There are tons of great SEO resources at moz.com — especially when it comes to acquiring back-links to your site. Here’s an old article that is still worth reading. Click here for that and contribute by clicking up there to your right or by filling out the contact form and stating that you would like to contribute.

 

Internet Addiction Disorder

PIU… is that you?

Internet Addiction Disorder is more commonly known as Problematic Internet Usage, which affects scores of fools online and to be quite honest, you must have a problem if you’re reading this right now. I mean let’s face it, you prolly have work to do — right? And let me guess, you’re not really addicted to the internet because you can quit anytime you want, right?

Lol Cat Research - problematic internet usage is an addiction
be a cool cat — take control of your addictions

Whatever. I’m here to say that you don’t need to change, you just need to modify what you do. Being an addict has it’s benefits. It means you concentrate on something. What’s up with all these cats out there with ADHD? They can’t concentrate for nothing. But you as an internet addict can concentrate on the internet. THIS IS A GOOD THING!!!

See, my friends and family suffered for years because of the fact that I have way too much fun. Now, I’ve turned it all around by making the internet my main source of income. But you know, if the internet were to be gone tomorrow, I would be just fine. I’m saying this because I’m part of the last generation of last century left overs who remember the days before the internet. That’s right. Rotary phones, VCRs, pagers, that kind of technology.

Now I use a smartphone so much it made me stoopid. It’s so bad I can’t even spell anymore.

LoL

Still, I make stupid money online because I know how to rock it. I got serious in 2011 and it’s now September 2014. So if you can beat me in three years I’ll be impressed. For now, you need to get real though. You are an internet addict. According to this article in Wikipedia, the definition of Internet addiction disorder (IAD), is now more commonly called problematic internet use (PIU) or compulsive internet use (CIU). Other overlapping terms include internet overuse, problematic computer use or pathological computer use – and even iDisorder. These terms avoid the word addiction and are not limited to any single cause, but only reflect a general statement about excessive computer use that interferes with daily life.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR DESTINY TODAY.

lol cat research thinks this is funny - internet addictive disorder cat on laptop
lol cat research found this image via searching “internet addiction cat”

Don’t be a victim of #InternetAddictionDisorder, learn how to turn your PIU into CIP (cash in pocket). Best way to do this is to follow me and learn from one of the top internet cat blogging work from home gurus. Learn to make money having fun. This is the key to making your life as worthwhile as possible but remember, it’s not easy and it’s going to take you 1-3 years depending on how much talent and skill you posses. If you’re really good and really dedicated, there’s no telling how much you can achieve. BELIEVE THAT!!!

Keeping it realer than ever,

Nafsht

PS: It is not my attention to make light of any addiction. If you suspect you may have a problem, seek help from a professional. For more information on this subject, check this article in the Huffington Post.

Twitter for cat bloggers and why it rocks.

Twitter for cat blogging and NOT Facebook. This here is real talk └(=^‥^=)┐└(=^‥^=)┐└(=^‥^=)┐└(=^‥^=)┐

lol cat research - birds who tweet are birds we eat
found royalty free image. made joke. watermarked it…

We will get to this but first, let me give you some background here. I never thought I would be into social media but it happened. From that moment on, there was no turning back. Racking up friends on MySpace was becoming an addiction. Checking out bands’ pages and occasionally friending and talking to strangers… It was my idea of a good time but after about a year of it, I lost interest and wanted my old life back. I began going out more and being social and happiness followed. Newscorp bought MySpace for $400 million and I thought they got a bargain.

Surely the company with all its users had to be worth more. But people left MySpace since a very right-winged conservative (owner of NewsCorp is Rupert Murdoch) purchased it and MySpace’s user-base was made-up mostly of stoner musicians and rebellious kids. They don’t want to have anything to do with the type of right-wing conservative business man that is responsible for Fox News. Moreover, Facebook was catching fire. Everybody just went over to that site. Facebook was clean, MySpace was creepy and now… compromised.

Microsoft decided social media wasn’t going away back in 2007 and made an offer Mark Suckerberg could not refuse: $240 million for less than 2%. It seemed like way too much money at the time, but now it’s clear that was a great deal for Microsoft. Geekwire reports:

It was a modest amount in the scheme of things — a $240 million investment by Microsoft in Facebook in 2007, valuing the social network at $15 billion at the time, and giving the Redmond company a 1.6 percent stake in Facebook.

Ok, we know what happens next. Facebook increased to over a billion users worldwide and the rest is history. Steve Ballmer’s initial investment increased his networth and in case you didn’t know, when my man makes a lot of money, he publicly goes nuts:

But do you need social media to make money online? YOU DO NOT! There are plenty of people who’ve proven this to be the case. However, if you want to be a successful cat blogger, you really DO need to build a social media following. One of the most common questions about this is “should I use all of social media?” and the answer is NO. The answer is simple:

Your life will be too lame.

social media explained and featured on lol cat research
Social media is pretty f*cking lame dude

Another problems is that you will spread yourself too thin. You have to choose two or three to roll with. In case you don’t know what the purpose is of each individual platform, check the funny-assed infographic… it says it all:

When I was a child way back in the last century, I’ll tell you about a new amazing technology that would change the entertainment industry forever. All of a sudden you could see movies without going to the theatre or watching them on TV years after they were released. You could now watch them at home on one of two devices: VHS or Betamax.

Deciding whether your family should get a VCR or Beta was a hot topic of debate. Beta was better quality but the tapes were larger. They were also harder to find. I was saying we should roll with VHS and the first two movies we rented were Revenge of the Nerds and Repo Man. I was glad we chose correctly since within a couple of years, no movie rental stores had Betamax tapes to rent. If you bought that machine you would’ve been screwed.

lol cat research thinks kanye dissing vhs is hilarious
Kanye drinks wine at awards show. Speaks his mind to the weaker videotape format.

Now we’re living in a time where there are tons of social media platforms. You have to choose which ones you are going to rock and which ones you think suck moose cock.

Facebook bites the big one. It should be renamed: Disgracebook

They don’t show what you post to all of your friends. They limit it. Turns out FB needed to figure out how to monetize their site, so they came up with the solution that they would sandbox you unless you pay. Of course if you’re a celebrity or an Illuminati sell-out they’ll exempt you… but we’re not interesting in booty-kissing Lucifer just to be big on the #2 website in the world (at least I’m not).

Lets look at a typical disgracebook scenario: You spent all this time building up your profile, but it’s in vein since now they want you to pay to boost your posts. What malarchy. I’ve paid a few times and it didn’t change much. They say they’re going to show your post to thousands of people but they’re just sending it to click farms where nobody cares.

DON’T PAY THEM JACK!

Facebook sucks and they will take your money with no remorse. Remember: You spend time on FB, you’re just making Suckerberg richer. He’s not your friend. Worse yet, he wants YOU to PAY him for you to reach your friends on his platform. Still, that’s not my biggest problem with it. The beef has to do with my knowledge as a businessman. You ready for what I say is wrong? Drum roll please:

FACEBOOK LIKES ARE WORTHLESS AND YOU CAN’T SELL YOUR ACCOUNT.

Alarmed by the fact that teenagers are leaving Facebook in droves, Suckerberg hatched a better plan: buy other social media sites. Instagram for $4bn. What’sApp for $6bn. He’ll buy everything in site so that when you jump to the next one, he’ll own it. But guess what?

I don’t do Facebook, Insta, or What’sApp.

Instead I roll with what Suckerberg can’t afford to buy. Yep, with all the money he has, he can’t buy Google+ or Twitter and that’s why I rock. Google + is gaining traction as of late. At first I was hating on them since I felt like they were really giving me more work to do. Why did they have to go into social media? Why couldn’t they just stick with what they had: the most useful tech company in the world to date? That should’ve been enough. Ok, so I got over the hate and started using them. Why? Because when you post something on G+, it becomes searchable in google’s search engine and all the others (as far as I know). This is not true for the other platforms. You post something in facebook or twitter, only registered users can see it…

lol cat research says this is our cup of tea
lol cat research loves catpuccino

Pinterest is a good one. The pictures are incredibly interesting and it’s way more fun to search a topic in Pinterest than it is to do a google image search, although I still find myself doing that lots. The site’s user-base is about 90% female so this is something important to keep in mind if you are a golf blogger since you probably wouldn’t want to waste your time here.

Foursquare is good if you want people to know where to find you. A good friend of mine is a DJ and always has the problem of having to explain to everyone where she is DJing since she does a lot of gigs. She used to be able to just post it on Facebook, but since they changed it that doesn’t work anymore. Her foursquare app on her smart phone keeps her location public to everyone who is looking for her.

Twitter is my fave. You can look through lots of posts, pictures, videos and see what the latest news in the world is simply by adding a hashtag to the beginning of the word you are searching. Twitter followers are worth about $2 each, so if you sell your cat blog, you can sell your Twitter account with it and there will be  a financial gain. Can’t say that the same way when it comes to the other platforms except maybe for YouTube. That’s because if your vids are getting shitloads of hits, you would have to say that’s worth more… albeit, if you are starring in your own videos, you can’t sell your account because you would still have to be in the vids yourself…

Twitter for cat bloggers is the life choice you must make.

When I say twitter followers are worth $2 each, I may be exaggerating but there is a pending trial involving a social media marketer who left a company and took his accounts with him. The amount his employer is suing for values each twitter follower at $2.75 each.

PhoneDog sued Kravitz for a whopping $340,000, in effect saying that he wasn’t entitled to his Twitter followers—because he’d gained the following while working for PhoneDog. The amount was determined by valuing each follower at $2.50 per month, and multiplying $2.50 x 8 months x 17,000, totaling $340K. Time article published

This was an old article and lawyers can really exaggerate costs while filing lawsuits no doubt. It’s one of the reasons why I never became a lawyer. Anyway, you can login to your twitter account and then open a new window and then go to the website: twalue.com

Next time we’ll go into more depth about how to use the platform and why twitter for cat bloggers is the way to go. For now, I’m saying Twitter will beat Facebook. I’m calling it now: August 19th 2014. My word is my bond. Represent Brooklyn,

Nafsht

kanye and taylor swift is a funny thing on lol cat research
i’m a let you finish but LoLCatResearch.com is the greatest cat blog of all time  ( ̄▽ ̄)ノ

Cat blogging as a life choice

Snoop Doggy Dog has gots to be one of the coolest cats of all time. But what if he never made it as a Hip Hop icon? He would prolly try to work from home via cat blogging. Believe dat… beotch. Actually don’t believe it. He’d be more into something having to do with dogs. Chiggity check that. The Dog Father has a new monicker: Snoop Lion

snoop doggy dog now snoop lion
snoop photoshopped

There’s enough cat action and cat humor out there to fill the pages of the largest book. On top of that they have a plethora of magical powers. What animal besides cats can look so cute and so fierce at the same time? They also save humans from critters that invade our homes. I represent Brooklyn and believe you me, there are rodents in every apartment building round these here parts. Cats make it so they invade the apartments of New York City dog lovers. Not my problem.

Wherever humans can be found on the planet, you can find cats somewhere close. Because of their popularity, cats are an excellent subject for blogging. A monetized blog about cats may prove lucrative, since it will be easy to attract an audience of cat lovers. All it takes is marketing the blog so that people know it’s out there offering content that is cat-rich. 

I paid a professional writer $5 for the block quote you just read. That’s how dedicated I am to this field. Over the course of countless hours, I’ve become a top expert in the field, but by no means am I the best. You want good? Take this #gangnumstyle parody interview by Ben Huh, CEO of Cheezburger Network, widely-regarded as the top cat blog of all time. You make think the guy is a tool but hey, it’s not like he’s trying to break into the soap opera business. He says his goal is to make people laugh for five minutes a day. Nothing wrong with that!

Cats do so many funny and ridiculous things that content about their actions should be plentiful. Narrowing down the cat blog to a specific niche might also prove very sensible. I do cats and comedy. You can copy me (I’ll hate you though), or check out the competition by doing a Google search and reading the content of blogs that rank high on the search. Try to deviate from their niche, so that you aren’t creating duplicate content.

Buy your own domain and get hosting from godaddy. First do a search engine for “godaddy promo code” and see if there are any sales. I just checked… as we speak, they are doing a sale where domains are $1.99 where they usually go for about $8.50 – $10.00!

Make sure you go for a .com and not anything else. There are people who make video-heavy sites and use the .tv with

catman
Vigilante philanthropist cat beats gangsters at night as a service to Gotham City

success but I firmly believe you should just try and get your brand name in a .com and the rest will work itself out. Don’t just use a free blogging site like blogger. They will own you. You need to own a piece of digital real estate so you MUST purchase a domain and get your own site running. Don’t cry to me about how it’s too annoying or time consuming. This is why it’s valuable. Besides, I’m here to hold your hand through the toughest part of it — getting started.

So after you’ve chosen names you want to use for your blog (or company that will have an online presence), you have to:

  • search to see if your domain is available
  • buy it before someone else does

Go to godaddy.com and there will be a field for you to type in the domain you are looking to purchase. The reason why I say use godaddy is because they hire Americans to do customer award winning, 24-7 customer support. When your site crashes, the last thing you want to do is be talking to someone from Bangalore who will not understand you. Not to mention you are destroying the U.S. A. economy every time you support businesses that outsource their labor. Also make sure you never buy anything from Walmart… Don’t get me started.

Once you have your domain and hosting purchased (should be a combined priced of $50-$100) you are ready to begin. Call (800) go-daddy and get tech support to walk you through

  • pointing your domain to your hosting
  • launching WordPress

Don’t waste too much time trying to do these two things on your own if you’ve never done it. They will easily guide you through the process. The hardest thing to do is get started. The rest is much easier.

Create original posts on a regular basis. Once a weeks is the way to go. After it’s up, email your friends, family, and everyone else. Email contacts are by far the most important way for you to reach people since people are way more likely to look through their inbox then they are to follow something on social media. Still, FB, twitter, and list serves, forums, and anything else you can think of to promote your article is the way to go.

Once you’ve promoted yourself in every way that I’ve mentioned, go to fiverr.com and type in their search box:

“article promotion”

Set up an account and pay someone $5 to promote your article. Make sure they have a good rating on fiverr since you don’t want any “black hat” type of promotion that could hurt you in the eyes of the google gods who control your destiny online.

begging for you to do lol cat research PLEASE
LoL Cat Research begs you to continue entertaining the masses for free.

Last but not least:

NEVER GIVE UP CAT BLOGGING

You will not get results at first. Only have steady dedicated quality content uploading and promotion will you gain traction. You have to build an audience and earn trust before results follow. If it were easy, everyone in Nigeria would do it. This here is real talk.

The people who succeed are the ones who deal with repeated failure. There endurance finally pays off when they get there big break. After that they talk about the good old days and how it was hard, but they never gave up… How bout being one of those mothers by copying LoL Cat Research?! If you do well as our competitor, you can contribute a handsome some to FCAR (Feral Cats Against Rats), our nonprofit aimed at saving cats from euthanasia by releasing them in areas where there are rat infestations.

Anyway, if you know you’re a quitter, consider going into the biz with a partner. Or make an exchange with someone where you do there work and they do yours. You meet once a week for coffee and you know you better meet the deadline or your friend will hate you.

Nafsht.
Lol Cat Research Chief Editor and #catblogger