You want a Kanye meme? You got it! The self proclaimed “loudest voice of his generation” is disappointed by yet another Grammy Awards ceremony. In case you missed his 2009 outburst, you must look it up for it’s high entertainment value. I can’t give it to you here because we’ve been through it plenty and it’s not my job to educate fools who dwell beneath rocks. Get out into the world or search it online, and only then should you continue reading this.
So what does all of this have to do with this here cat blog? Kanye is a crazy cat man! It’ true… behold my the latest LoL Cat Research meme masterpiece:
Kimye made it clear that they were not happy about the Best Album nod to Beck at this year’s Grammy Awards. Kardashian posted her WTF face on social media while Kanye jumped the stage but refrained from yanking the mic this time. Prince grimaced after the announcement (made an LoLCatResearch demotivational poster for that — see two blog posts ago). Beck took the high road in all this and even though I’m not a fan of his audio, he gets props here for his diplomacy. Interwebs can’t meme attack him for that!
One of my first, if not the first meme pic I made was in fact Kanye-related. There was a South Park episode where the kids made the funniest joke ever and they became world famous for that. Kanye doesn’t get the joke despite the fact that he is the greatest genius of his time, and proceeds to seek out the kids of South Park with his armed goons. They kill Kenny… Anyway, the joke only works if told to a heterosexual man:
Do you like fish sticks?
Do you like fish sticks in your mouth?
You’re a gay fish!
I took a picture of my kids’ cat “Oonda,” and made the following meme, which didn’t get much play on the web. Maybe the joke is too deep. Here it is:
Many assume that dogs can beat cats because they’re bigger. The opposite is true! Cats almost always win, often outsized, or even outnumbered, cats are still able to dominate. I put together a compilation of videos (all creative commons licensed so I don’t get sued by some insane dog owner) and I can’t even tell you how hard it was to find an instance where a dog beat a cat. See for yourself ＼(=^‥^)/’`
Lots of experts attempt to explain why cats are more popular than dogs online. Many will say in the Cats versus Dogs eternally epic battle, things like,
“… dog people are outside with their pets while cat people are indoors and therefore more likely to post about their cats while sitting in front of the computer…”
LoL Cat Research insight on cats vs dogs
My personal belief for the longest time was that google programmed their search algorithms to display results for cats when people were searching for porn — especially when parent filters were on. It makes sense when you think about it: Picture a random dirty old man finally learns how to use the internet and when nobody is around — he searches for “pussy”… Google gives him pussy cats — LoL!!! This was one of the reasons why I originally wanted to become a cat blogger: Cats get a shitload of traffic and traffic is what you need to make money. Still, everything mentioned this far is purely hypothetical. Let’s breakdown the real reason cats are more popular online:
Cat people outnumber dog people.
We all know there are just two sorts of individuals on the planet: cat people and dog people. Information from statistical surveying firm Euromonitor, recommend that these distinctions stretch out past individual inclination and to the domain of geopolitics: it so happens there are cat countries and dog countries, as well.
In the U.S.A., a greater number of families own puppies than own felines. Cool cats dwarf yippee-dippy-canines to the tune of about 4 million (so says the American Veterinary Medical Association’s evaluation). Why? One straightforward clarification is that felines are more minimal:
You can fit a greater number of kittens in a house than you can, say, pit bulls.
At the state level in the U.S.A., felines dwarf pooches in the Northeast and Upper Midwest. Mutts are the most loved in the South and Southwest. The most canine cordial state is Arkansas, where doggies dwarf the friendly felines 1.35-to-1. But who cares about Arkansas? If you ever saw the documentary, Bangin in Little Rock, you would know that those dogs are cray-cray. Bill Clinton was from there, but you don’t see him there now, you see him here in New York City.
On the other end of the spectrum stands Massachusetts with 1.87 felines for each canine. I guess Bean Town is feline town! When it comes to analyzing this kind of demographical data “A ton of that basically needs to do with populace thickness,” Jared koerten, a pet industry examiner at Euromonitor, said in a meeting. “Many cities simply aren’t that dog-accommodating.”
Worldwide, felines are the favored pet in the vast majority of Western Europe, except for Spain, Portugal and Ireland. South America is entirely puppy nation, as is much of Asia.
“A few districts, in the same way as the Middle East and piece of Africa, have an particularly long-standing energy about felines,” Koerten said. “in Latin America its the complete inverse. Pooches are a piece of family life there.”
March is Toxoplasmosis Awareness Month and Brazil is believed to have perhaps the highest infection rate in humans — a whopping 66% are believed to be infected. Toxoplasma Gondii is a parasite that gets into a mouses system when it feeds on cat turds.
The bacteria makes it way into the mouses brain, causing the mouse to become sexually aroused by the smell of cat urine.
It also dulls the mouse’s reflexes and causes it to become more reckless and make poor decisions — like the decision to find cats attractive!
This would all be great if T. Gondii only infected rodents. Unfortunately, any warmblooded mammal can become infected — including humans. The brain worms cause people to have an increased sex-drive while behaving erratically. One theory is that it can cause a person to take more chances while driving a car, which leads to more accidents, and subsequently more deaths.
Listen, this is supposed to be a funny blog — not a biology-based freakshow. For this reason, I went back to the past paragraph and inserted a gullible test. Did you catch it? OK, here it is:
March is NOT toxoplasmosis awareness month — I made that up!
The brain worm part is real and you can research that on your own. It’s disturbing, yet true that parasites can actually alter one’s thoughts and cause them to hallucinate or even commit suicide. Biologists joke that biology should be re-named, “parasitology,” since parasites outnumber free-living organisms by about four to one.
I just realized that humans could be seen as parasites in the eyes of other animals. Look at what we do with livestock. An animal is enslaved to work for us on the farm until the point that the point that they are slaughtered. How sad 🙁 that only until recently, we find out that other organisms do it to us!
It’s funny that toxoplasmosis would play very little roll in the cats versus dogs epic drama. It’s also surprising that Brazil isn’t more of cat country. Maybe the data is skewed or innacuate. Here’s an interesting video on Brazil and Toxoplasma Gandii: