So I’m looking how to get traffic and what better way than with a Ariana Grande meme. It’s been a couple of weeks since I scored big off of the Bruce Jenner’s cat meme fiasco. Here’s how my traffic is looking meow:
As you can see, traffic needs a boost from another one of my killer memes, so I hit google trends looking for something to make light of.
Ariana Grande had been caught on a security camera licking a donut and then getting upset at an employee saying “I don’t like Americans.” or something to that affect.
You would think it’s no big deal, but apparently it is and now for whatever reason, she’s no headlining at the Major League Baseball All Star Game in Cincinnati in a few days.
I personally don’t see the big deal. It is a little gross that she licked a donut that someone would unsuspectingly eat. Thank God she’s not an outlaw biker with an open sore or something, but then again — she’s with her boyfriend and she’s all kissy kissy with that fool. Surely there shouldn’t be any criminal charges and everyone should leave Britney alone. Everyone except LoL Cat Research!
I’m going to push the pic on reddit, cheezburger, twitter, facebook, and maybe that’s about it. Then I will use the demotivational version after a few days. Hopefully that will get this forsaken blog some more traffic already.
Our longtime pal DJ Sky Breaks who resides in Brooklyn has a
rescue kitten in need of a home!
Look what mama feral brought to me! This here “Ginger Boy” is about four weeks old and will be ready for adoption in 3-4 weeks (Sky Breaks and company is currently bottle feeding him). He is super sweet and healthy and needs a home. Please take him since we all have enough cats or if you know anyone looking for a great family pet — orange tabbies are the best!!!!!
For the longest time, LoL Cat Research been pushing the idea of saving cats from senseless euthanasia. What better way to do that than through adoption? Don’t delay… call today! 347_813_1396 or email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
You can adopt this cat even if you don’t like cats. That’s right… listen here: Let’s say you’re a dog that hates cats since you’re allergic or they look demonic, or whatever your dumb-ass issue is. You’d put your minor issues aside when it comes to making money, true?
YES YOU WOULD. Just like you show up to the office every day and deal with that micromanaging megalomaniac boss of yours in the name of earning a living, you can work with a cat who can bring in $tupid cash son.
The following is an example of a cute, famous orange tabby out there:
As you can see, this kitty is cute, but he/she lacks the blue eyes that our magical Ginger Boy boasts. So how do you make money you ask? You get headshots and get a casting agent. First you do movies and then you do commercials in whichever particular order you think will work.
Just imagine how great you’ll feel when you cash your first check and go out to celebrate. You’ll be sipping your favorite beverage at the bar when a potential life partner/soul mate will ask “so, you come here often?”
Best way to respond is by saying, “yeah, I’m from around these here parts. I’m going nowhere fast yet I’m here to represent.” The attractive and intelligent potential mate will laugh but soon the conversation will probably turn serious. That’s when you will really be sized-up. You can never repair a first impression so you damn sure better have a good answer for this:
“What do you do for a living?”
Now, if you stuh, stuh, studder motherfucker it’s all over. You got to be SUPER SMOOTH and in full-grip of the GROOVE. Take a deep breath and deliver the following:
“I make cats famous on the internet.”
Homegirl will be like, “what, like you’re a talent agent or a manager, or something??” Then you drop names immediately:
“I own ‘Ginger Boy’ the Cat.”
It’ll be easy from there on. Name all the TV shows, radio interviews, magazine articles, and cat blogs you’ve been on and your good to go. You now have a built-in reason to take this individual home with you and you can thank me for laying out the framework for your dumb ass. OK all kidding aside… Remember: we have a rescue kitten in need of a home. Adopt Ginger Boy today.
News Flash: as a direct result of our efforts here at LoL Cat Research, “Ginger Boy” has been adopted. The new owners changed his name to Lionel Richie.
Thanks for reading all of this,
PS: If you want to talk more about this, me and my business partner have a live family entertainment show tomorrow that’s totally free. See www.HipTot.com for more info.