Many assume that dogs can beat cats because they’re bigger. The opposite is true! Cats almost always win, often outsized, or even outnumbered, cats are still able to dominate. I put together a compilation of videos (all creative commons licensed so I don’t get sued by some insane dog owner) and I can’t even tell you how hard it was to find an instance where a dog beat a cat. See for yourself ＼(=^‥^)/’`
Lots of experts attempt to explain why cats are more popular than dogs online. Many will say in the Cats versus Dogs eternally epic battle, things like,
“… dog people are outside with their pets while cat people are indoors and therefore more likely to post about their cats while sitting in front of the computer…”
LoL Cat Research insight on cats vs dogs
My personal belief for the longest time was that google programmed their search algorithms to display results for cats when people were searching for porn — especially when parent filters were on. It makes sense when you think about it: Picture a random dirty old man finally learns how to use the internet and when nobody is around — he searches for “pussy”… Google gives him pussy cats — LoL!!! This was one of the reasons why I originally wanted to become a cat blogger: Cats get a shitload of traffic and traffic is what you need to make money. Still, everything mentioned this far is purely hypothetical. Let’s breakdown the real reason cats are more popular online:
Cat people outnumber dog people.
We all know there are just two sorts of individuals on the planet: cat people and dog people. Information from statistical surveying firm Euromonitor, recommend that these distinctions stretch out past individual inclination and to the domain of geopolitics: it so happens there are cat countries and dog countries, as well.
In the U.S.A., a greater number of families own puppies than own felines. Cool cats dwarf yippee-dippy-canines to the tune of about 4 million (so says the American Veterinary Medical Association’s evaluation). Why? One straightforward clarification is that felines are more minimal:
You can fit a greater number of kittens in a house than you can, say, pit bulls.
At the state level in the U.S.A., felines dwarf pooches in the Northeast and Upper Midwest. Mutts are the most loved in the South and Southwest. The most canine cordial state is Arkansas, where doggies dwarf the friendly felines 1.35-to-1. But who cares about Arkansas? If you ever saw the documentary, Bangin in Little Rock, you would know that those dogs are cray-cray. Bill Clinton was from there, but you don’t see him there now, you see him here in New York City.
On the other end of the spectrum stands Massachusetts with 1.87 felines for each canine. I guess Bean Town is feline town! When it comes to analyzing this kind of demographical data “A ton of that basically needs to do with populace thickness,” Jared koerten, a pet industry examiner at Euromonitor, said in a meeting. “Many cities simply aren’t that dog-accommodating.”
Worldwide, felines are the favored pet in the vast majority of Western Europe, except for Spain, Portugal and Ireland. South America is entirely puppy nation, as is much of Asia.
“A few districts, in the same way as the Middle East and piece of Africa, have an particularly long-standing energy about felines,” Koerten said. “in Latin America its the complete inverse. Pooches are a piece of family life there.”
March is Toxoplasmosis Awareness Month and Brazil is believed to have perhaps the highest infection rate in humans — a whopping 66% are believed to be infected. Toxoplasma Gondii is a parasite that gets into a mouses system when it feeds on cat turds.
The bacteria makes it way into the mouses brain, causing the mouse to become sexually aroused by the smell of cat urine.
It also dulls the mouse’s reflexes and causes it to become more reckless and make poor decisions — like the decision to find cats attractive!
This would all be great if T. Gondii only infected rodents. Unfortunately, any warmblooded mammal can become infected — including humans. The brain worms cause people to have an increased sex-drive while behaving erratically. One theory is that it can cause a person to take more chances while driving a car, which leads to more accidents, and subsequently more deaths.
Listen, this is supposed to be a funny blog — not a biology-based freakshow. For this reason, I went back to the past paragraph and inserted a gullible test. Did you catch it? OK, here it is:
March is NOT toxoplasmosis awareness month — I made that up!
The brain worm part is real and you can research that on your own. It’s disturbing, yet true that parasites can actually alter one’s thoughts and cause them to hallucinate or even commit suicide. Biologists joke that biology should be re-named, “parasitology,” since parasites outnumber free-living organisms by about four to one.
I just realized that humans could be seen as parasites in the eyes of other animals. Look at what we do with livestock. An animal is enslaved to work for us on the farm until the point that the point that they are slaughtered. How sad 🙁 that only until recently, we find out that other organisms do it to us!
It’s funny that toxoplasmosis would play very little roll in the cats versus dogs epic drama. It’s also surprising that Brazil isn’t more of cat country. Maybe the data is skewed or innacuate. Here’s an interesting video on Brazil and Toxoplasma Gandii:
Meme pics are not going away!
You see them all over the internet. It started with cats but now it’s any kind of photo that evokes some sort of emotion. Add a witty caption and bang — you have urself a meme pic. If you search earlier posts in this here LoLCatResearch.com you’ll see that I do a full report on the cheezburger network and their CEO Ben Huh. And just in case you say “huh?” I been living under a rock and don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, I’ll give you the picture that started it all:
Whether or not it was first or one of the first is irrelevant. Point is, that Russian Blue kitty cat blew up the internet. It changed the lives a few men who recognized the viral aspect of the phenomenon and subsequently positioned themselves to reap the financial rewards of such a phenomenon. Nothing was the same after that. So what should WE do? Jump on the bandwagon is what we should do! So here is an easy content strategy:
- Find a royalty free image
- Use PhotoShop or Illustrator to add phrases over the picture (“Impact” font is most common)
* make sure and watermark the image with your website
- Post it in a blog like this one. Then promote it everywhere possible. This is the most difficult leg of the journey. It’s the most time-consuming and involves changing your daily life to accommodate the requirements and responsibilities of digital marketing. It’s beyond the scope of this article to talk about image promotion. That we will reserve for the next post, which I should drop on your heads in about a week or two so stay tuned.
You may run into the problem of not having anything interesting to write on the picture. I did a search for “best jokes 2014” and looked for the shortest jokes listed since there’s a limited amount of text you can write on one image before kids or adults with ADD stop reading. Everything I’m talking about here took me 25 min to make. That water polo cat joke you see took the most time since I wasn’t finding much that inspired me. To tell you the truth, I don’t think the joke is all that funny and I would’ve liked to have spent more time finding something funnier. Too bad! It’s important to set realistic deadlines and make sure you stick to them.
Let’s look at some issues with all of this in more depth, cause I know you may be questioning what’s going on here as perhaps being too involved. How do you search for royalty free images? What do you do if you don’t have PhotoShop or Illustrator. What happens if I get sued by a crazy cat lady who says she owns the rights to my viral masterpiece?
I give you ANSWERS!!!
You can do a google image search by going to google and clicking on “images”, which is located in the top-right portion of your screen. Once there, click on the settings tab located on the bottom right of your screen. There you can edit search parameters so you can look for images that you can reuse. Click here and everything should be clear as day.
There are plenty of meme generators out there. They may say they’re free, but is anything really free? These generators always watermark their site on the bottom-right of the pic, right where you want to put your watermark! Other problem is that you have limited control over formatting the font, placement, etc. Some phrases simply don’t fit, or cover the image in an awkward way. Still, if you want to get in the game and you can’t wait any longer, I’ll give you the best free meme generator I could find out there: www.QuickMeme.com and you can thank me by donating on that side panel to your right.
OK let’s say you do everything right and your image goes viral. Traffic is coming your way and you’re also an expert on converting that into cash money. Success is your middle name while haters and bitches are sweating you for the true champion that you are. A certified letter arrives that you sign for. It’s a court subpoena that an attorney hit you with threatening to take everything you made. Think this doesn’t happen? It does. They come after you only if you have something to take. Instagram has billions and the girl you see in the image to your right blasted Suckerberg’s #2 cash cow with a $50 million lawsuit. Says the article, “16 Year Old Kiesha Johnson, of Birmingham Alabama, was just hanging with friends that took a bad picture of her and uploaded it to Instagram. Immediately, that photo went viral and was shared on Millions of profiles including celebrities. Everyone started mocking her now famous pose. “My face looked ugly like I was about to throw up.. I look nothing like that in real life… Im really a bad b*tch!” said Johnson.”
If you want to read more stories like that one, you can click here and thank me by contributing funds to our cause. Since we are on the subject of generating web traffic, I must say that every time I read an article, I post a comment with a link back to my site. It’s something each an every blogger should be rocking — whenever possible!
This article is most certainly not the first when it comes to using memes to create traffic. There are tons of great SEO resources at moz.com — especially when it comes to acquiring back-links to your site. Here’s an old article that is still worth reading. Click here for that and contribute by clicking up there to your right or by filling out the contact form and stating that you would like to contribute.
So trying to rank for “lol cats” is too difficult you say? Depends on how much time and dedication you have. Also crucial to the equation is how damn funny you are; at this here site we represent #cute #cats and #comedy & All that + staying true blue = FLAVOR. Can you taste it??? If you can then you’re good. If you can’t, Well… chew on this:
You Google “lol cat research” and you get:
Ok you don’t. I wish you got that but instead You get my facebook like page, which breaks my heart since I would rather my website was at the top of the list where currently it’s only second. It also bothers me since I hardly use Suckerberg’s platform at all. You know if you read my previous blog you will understand in great detail just how I’ve evolved into the facebook hater I am today. Still, the reality of it is, that if you want to build a brand and take over a piece of the internet for yourself these days: being a facebook user is a reality.
Today is my 1.5 year anniversary. In that time, the amount of traffic I generate has taken giant leaps and bounds. I have to admit there was a period of about four months where I did almost nothing with #lolcats so you can say 14 months of work is what I’m documenting for you here. Missing that four months had mostly to do with relationship issues, work hours (talking real work), anxiety, stress, depression, laziness, and procrastination. These aren’t excuses, they are REASONS why I didn’t do anything for such a long stretch. I’ve since righted these wrongs and that’s why you’re reading what I’m writing here. I won’t abandon you again… I PROMISE!!!
So back to what I was talking about before, I haven’t googled “lol cat research” (btw, you must keep it within quotes) for quite some time and it’s good to see that the search is all about me and my hand-skills. So right now we’re going to examine the anatomy of my takeover plot and how I rocked it for all y’all:
- purchased the domain www.lolcatresearch.com
- ran wordpress as my blogging platform
- created as many social media accounts as possible under lolcatresearch
- regularly post as @lolcatresearch on social media: especially twitter
- post hashtag around interwebs #lolcatresearch when they won’t let me use a URL link to my site
- made cat meme pics watermarked with LoLCatResearch.com and posted them on my blog, reddit, and elsewhere… my list is growing
All that’s very nice. Now let’s talk about what I have NOT done and here’s my biggest regret: It’s sad to say that I’ve never released a cat video. I have them, it’s just that I never get around to editing them to the point that they are releasable to the public.
- Never wrote one press release 🙁 and it’s a damn shame. Me and my partner at hiptot.com have enjoyed considerable fame that was jumpstarted from well-written press releases. Journalists use them when they see that we have a live family event listed and they want to cover it. In other words, press releases generate press! That is what we want. Press. If it’s not what you want, you got serious problems… BELIEVE THAT!!!
- Didn’t write an eBook. This is sad because I’m sure someone is writing the exact same book I should’ve written and if I see their’s come out first I’m going to hate on myself for too long. How can this be avoided… Hmm let me think. OK I got it — by writing an eBook! Getting it out by the holiday season is my new goal.
So here it is live and uncut. I did what was free and easy to do and now I will expand into more difficult content strategies. It will all work out in the end… LET’S HOPE!!! This will be the last post from me for at least a week so #HappyHalloween !!! I outlined what I did and didn’t do and now I give you some words of advice for those of you who want to be like me:
Get your cat to put on a costume while you film him/her. Post the video and watch it go viral. That’s what someone did here:
represent, represent, respresent. that’s how i do blogging kitty cats style posted by the homeless of uber wealthy new york city. being homeless in the empire means breaking the law. there are now quarter houses for those without enough money to keep up with the joneses, and keeping up with the joneses means gaining wealth. how do you gain wealth? by exploiting people!
lol cat research does not exploit people. we would rather be homeless.
getting behind a computer is quite often a difficult task for the homeless and that is why lol cat research needs your financial support.
lol cat research asks for donations to save NY’s homeless. there is button to your right that you could click on to donate money.
but you don’t want to…
that’s because the interweb is broke ass. just like your DUMB ass. that’s right bitch. you suck. i haven’t gotten one MOTHERFUCKING DONATION in the whole year that i’ve been doing this.
you like the funny jokes here. you like the cute cats. but you no wanna pay, true? you like everything for free, don’t you bitch? FUCK YOU. pay me. i make you laugh. give me fifty cents. fifty GOD DAMNED cents because i’m a 40 year old homeless man who entertains your DUMB ASS on the interweb and you never give me shit. click on that fucking button. you fuckhead or never look at my free comedy again. i’m sick of this bullshit. pay me already you cheap bitch.
There is a famous episode of the hit show “South Park” where the best joke of all time is written. A male must be asked:
joke teller: “you like fishsticks?”
joke teller: “you like fishsticks in your mouth?”
victime: “uh, sure…”
joke teller: “you’re a gay fish!”
This could not possibly be the best joke ever made, but I think the guys at South Park are making a mockery of the fact that if you google “greatest joke of all time”, you’ll get similar mediocre, or lame, immature jokes of this caliber.
People like this fish sticks joke and it starts going viral to the point that the South Park kids are on late night TV and what have you. Problem is, Kanye West does not get the joke and he starts making people pay via the use of physical violence and even murder.
Kanye does not find it fair that he doesn’t get the joke being that he is one of the greatest thinkers of his generation. His unchecked arrogance is brilliantly ridiculed by the writers and producers of one of the longest running cartoons in the history of mankind.
As a comedy cat blogger, I am hoping people will look at that image, laugh, pass it on, and click on this here website. This site just wants to be loved, is that so wrong? Maybe Kanye will sue me. That would probably be much funnier than the fish stick joke being that i have no attachable assets for his lawyers to take off me.
If I had gotten a bank loan six years ago, I could’ve been famous for being a NINJA.
So sue me. I’ll laugh (but not all the way to the bank). Maybe they should sue Wikipedia for breaking it down even more in this article. They talk about how after Kanye got drunk and interrupted Taylor Swift’s VMA moment.
Enough already — The Kanye Cat picture is hitting cyberspace… MEOW IS NOW!!!
kitties vs kiddies
A recent Huffington Post article shows tons of videos of lol cats attacking defenseless, innocent toddlers. Parents seeking fame and recognition in most cases refuse to intervene, allowing their children to be assaulted.
The curtain of laughter is most often the method used for these neglectful parents to live with their own behavior. The fact that they film the incidents only adds insult to injury. It’s one thing if they were too slow to respond. in such cases, one could almost forgive these parents and guardians in question for such “accidents”, and then to just stand there with the cameras still pointing–is unacceptable. We must demand justice.
Disclaimer: Lol Cat Research and the Hip Tot Music Fest are closely affiliated. You must know that demanding justice for infants and cats goes above all else.
Disclaimer #2: neither this blog or the Hip Tot has any affiliation or sponsorship deal of any sort with the Huffington Post, they just think that their animal videos are awesome.
lol cats attacking kids is wrong we say
Although top-notch journalism has brought LCR to the forefront of groundbreaking cultural pet entertainment, you should not take any of these words at face value. You should watch the freak video yourself and when a commercial comes on, you should turn down the volume, wait till it passes, and then turn the volume up to see the next video involving cats bullying dogs, cats knocking sh*t over, and more!
Peep it yo:
BTW, if you live in Brooklyn, be sure and check out the next Hip Tot Music Fest every second sunday at the Shapeshifter Lab.
Had to post this lol cat picture
Cat searching could be the reason why you are reading this… well, I’m not sure what you do on this here interweb, but I try to get work done only to get distracted by all types of things to click on. It’s so easy for it to happen and it’s hard to understand if how it can happen so often.
So I’m on google images looking for a cool image to ad to my fresh content (search engine slave drivers told me “fresh content” is a must), when I came across a picture of this
cool cat spinning audio.
I had to stop whatever real work I had to do and decided to post this for you instead:
Sorry there’s not much to this posting… I promise the next round of fresh content will be fresher and more content-full — that’s a promise! haha (⌒.－)＝★
Oh no wait. Can’t see you later. Still need to talk to you because the angel of content monitoring said I need to write more. I do as I’m told. Breaking rules is scary since there are so many forms of punishment they can hand you. We don’t want any of that. Ok enough writing. I don’t care how they punish me. Time to go back to work. Please like us on facebook and follow us on twitter.