Happy Anniversary to me! I wasted tons of time trying to entertain you while learning a new skill and now it is clear that you are not entertained and you most likely did not learn anything either. That’s probably because most of you don’t know I exist. This is my fault because I can’t obtain any traffic to this site no matter what I do. For this reason I am going to seek employment driving a Swift Truck. If you’re not too swift as a cat blogger, you might as well be a Swift Truck driver. Nafsht.
Trucking pays great money. If you ever want employment and find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile, you will do better than most. It can work for you… trust me. My uncle Noel is a retired truck driver and he has all kinds of cash. Problem with this cat right here is that he don’t have a motherf*cking driver’s license, so there’s no choice but to get busy cat blogging.
Stop look & listen:
I don’t need a Swift Trucking job nor do I need to cat blog any longer. Here’s the alternative: I can find a magical white rabbit that I can sell for big bucks. Wait, your skeptical? Don’t think there’s a market for such a thing? Well you are wrong, grasshopper. Theres all types of retired hippy gangsters out there searching for that elusive white rabbit; and if you have the most unique, hardest to find, freak rabbit… you can be a champion! Victory is waiting — so how do you catch a unique rabbit? See the image below:
So what else is going on in cat blog world besides me not getting paid? I couldn’t tell you. That’s because I don’t have the time or money to find out. I’ve had a donation button up on my site since it’s inception and nobody contributed. I use emoticons on my 20+ tweets and tried to get a sponsorship from the site I get them from.
They just ignored me.
I could tell you which emoticon site it is, but why give them free press? They need to pay to get mentioned here. BTW, if anyone tries to steal my material, I”m going to sue them. So hit that donation button on the top right and pay me. Then come back in a week for more jokes that are free. After you get your free laugh, pay me. Aside from money, I want you to share what’s here with everyone you know so that I can be even more successful. Last thing anyone wants to do is post research results around the web for free and to add insult to injury, get zero likes on top it. So do the right thing and pay me while sharing this about. Peace.
So trying to rank for “lol cats” is too difficult you say? Depends on how much time and dedication you have. Also crucial to the equation is how damn funny you are; at this here site we represent #cute #cats and #comedy & All that + staying true blue = FLAVOR. Can you taste it??? If you can then you’re good. If you can’t, Well… chew on this:
You Google “lol cat research” and you get:
Ok you don’t. I wish you got that but instead You get my facebook like page, which breaks my heart since I would rather my website was at the top of the list where currently it’s only second. It also bothers me since I hardly use Suckerberg’s platform at all. You know if you read my previous blog you will understand in great detail just how I’ve evolved into the facebook hater I am today. Still, the reality of it is, that if you want to build a brand and take over a piece of the internet for yourself these days: being a facebook user is a reality.
Today is my 1.5 year anniversary. In that time, the amount of traffic I generate has taken giant leaps and bounds. I have to admit there was a period of about four months where I did almost nothing with #lolcats so you can say 14 months of work is what I’m documenting for you here. Missing that four months had mostly to do with relationship issues, work hours (talking real work), anxiety, stress, depression, laziness, and procrastination. These aren’t excuses, they are REASONS why I didn’t do anything for such a long stretch. I’ve since righted these wrongs and that’s why you’re reading what I’m writing here. I won’t abandon you again… I PROMISE!!!
So back to what I was talking about before, I haven’t googled “lol cat research” (btw, you must keep it within quotes) for quite some time and it’s good to see that the search is all about me and my hand-skills. So right now we’re going to examine the anatomy of my takeover plot and how I rocked it for all y’all:
purchased the domain www.lolcatresearch.com
ran wordpress as my blogging platform
created as many social media accounts as possible under lolcatresearch
regularly post as @lolcatresearch on social media: especially twitter
post hashtag around interwebs #lolcatresearch when they won’t let me use a URL link to my site
made cat meme pics watermarked with LoLCatResearch.com and posted them on my blog, reddit, and elsewhere… my list is growing
All that’s very nice. Now let’s talk about what I have NOT done and here’s my biggest regret: It’s sad to say that I’ve never released a cat video. I have them, it’s just that I never get around to editing them to the point that they are releasable to the public.
Never wrote one press release 🙁 and it’s a damn shame. Me and my partner at hiptot.com have enjoyed considerable fame that was jumpstarted from well-written press releases. Journalists use them when they see that we have a live family event listed and they want to cover it. In other words, press releases generate press! That is what we want. Press. If it’s not what you want, you got serious problems… BELIEVE THAT!!!
Didn’t write an eBook. This is sad because I’m sure someone is writing the exact same book I should’ve written and if I see their’s come out first I’m going to hate on myself for too long. How can this be avoided… Hmm let me think. OK I got it — by writing an eBook! Getting it out by the holiday season is my new goal.
So here it is live and uncut. I did what was free and easy to do and now I will expand into more difficult content strategies. It will all work out in the end… LET’S HOPE!!! This will be the last post from me for at least a week so #HappyHalloween !!! I outlined what I did and didn’t do and now I give you some words of advice for those of you who want to be like me:
Get your cat to put on a costume while you film him/her. Post the video and watch it go viral. That’s what someone did here: